I'm a Cherry Ghost

No column today because I took a nap this afternoon. And I have no job. And that's pretty much funnier than anything I could have written anyways.



Happy weekend people.




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Jones...eluding Jordan! Yes!

Today the entire front and back page of the Tribune's Live section was devoted to burgers. And we wonder why newspapers are dying.





Now it goes without saying, I loved this article. But I also have no job and spend most of my days planning out my next trip to Kuma's or Smoque (I'm assuming not everyone in Chicago spends their days like this).

However, I do take issue with a few of the Trib's points in the story. They're basically trying to stir up a little controversy by suggesting there is a burger in Oakbrook that is better than Kuma's Kuma Burger. Now aside from the fact that the Oakbrook restaurant in question has only 1 burger and Kuma's offers 21, who is driving to Oakbrook for a burger?*

*Apparently my friend Maura is. My mistake.

The trib reporter, Kevin Pang, ends up giving the edge to the Oakbrook Restaurant (Labriola Bakery Cafe), citing a juicier burger and better bacon. Congrats Labriola Bakery Cafe. When you start to offer 20 other delicious kinds of burgers, we can start this conversation again.

Moving on to the backpage, Pang tackles 10 other burgers in tri-state area he deems awesome. I say tri-state area because one burger he is an advocate of, Schoop's, is in Indianapolis. That's commitment to a burger Kevin. You are more of a man than I am.

In terms of the other 9 burgers, I'd only been to two of the restaurants. The Paradise Pup in Des Plaines was the first. This restaurant was also featured on Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives. My verdict- don't waste your time going to Des Plaines for a fast food burger. A lot of places serve Merkt's cheddar now. It's not 2001 when you had to drive to Buffalo Joe's in Evanston for cheese fries your buddy swore by.

The second restaurant was Carmine's. Under no circumstances would I recommend someone who was going to Carmine's for dinner to order the burger. They're an Italian restaurant, and their Italian food is delicious. If you're going for lunch and want to save money however, go nuts and let me know how the burger is. I suspect the burger next door at Lux Bar will suffice however.

The reality is, you can get a burger a lot of places. The lines at Kuma's do not make it easier to eat there (which usually just means people get there earlier). My advice to you is to stay at home and make your own burgers. It's more rewarding that way. And it will make the lines shorter at all of the restaurants I like going to.


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It makes much more sense

So I hinted at a good story yesterday on my Facebook page and didn't dive into it completely as I was still recovering from two nights of Pearl Jam. Well, fully recovered, so indulge me for a moment if you will.





So I'm sitting in my seat at the Pearl Jam show on Monday and I notice the guy to my left has already gotten drinks 4 times for his girlfriend/wife/whatever and it was only like 25 minutes into the set. It seemed like a lot to drink in such a short time span, but I didn't really care what they did as long as it involved the guy not walking in front of me every five minutes.

So Eddie plays the opening chords to "Nothingman" and I can tell the girl is now drunk because she's slow dancing with her husband, and in the middle of it, she throws not one but two drinks in my direction. I shoot the couple a glare, even do the hands raised irritated look. The husband assures me she meant no harm.

And in the end, everybody in section 3, row 16 was a winner when the boyfriend decided his girlfriend was too drunk to go on and they left not even halfway through the first set.

Now a little disclaimer- I had very good seats the second night as my friend has been in the fan club for roughly 14 years. This means the people sitting next to us probably had been in the fan club for an equally long period of time, or paid a lot of money for their seats. In any event, why would you get so drunk as too miss the show? I will not ever understand why people can't police themselves at shows.

Witnessing this situation made me think more about the predicament Michael Beasley is currently in (I know I said I'd write less about sports but for the purpose of this post let's just identify Beasley more as a subject, and less as a basketball player).

Now for those of you that don't read 13 sports sites a day, Michael Beasley was the blue chip recruit of the 2007 class. Most sports sites had him ranked number 1 (in a class that included Derrick Rose, OJ Mayo and Kevin love). Nobody could believe how a 6'9" player could make the game look so easy.

But there were already warning signs. He attended 6(!) high schools in four years. He got kicked out of elite high school basketball powerhouse Oak Hill for starting a game with Ty Lawson that basically involved signing his name on as many pieces of school property as possible.

But the bottom line was the kid could play ball. Whoever landed him knew they were only getting a year anyways. Didn't matter to Kansas State. Beasley tore it up for one season, took a rejuvenated program to the NCAA tournament, and left for the pros shortly thereafter, to be drafted by the Miami Heat.

Beasley couldn't keep it together long though. At the rookie class symposium, Beasley and fellow rookies Mario Chalmers and Darrell Arthur got busted for smoking pot. Beasley slipped out the door when police arrived, leaving Chalmers and Arthur to take the fall and get kicked out of camp, while Beasley eventually confessed later.

His rookie season ended with solid numbers (13ppg and 5 rpg) and multiple reported fines for violating team rules. Last Friday, he posted a link to his new tattoo on Twitter. He had wings and "SuperCoolBeas" tattooed across his upper back. While it's questionable behavior to tattoo a self appointed nickname on your back, most people were more concerned with the rumored bag of pot in the photo. It was too blurry to assume it was pot, but given Beasley's past, people did anyways.

Two days ago, Beasley was checked into rehab, citing depression. The initial reaction was something to the effect of, how could this basketball player who has had everything handed to him, not know how to get his shit together?

Now that a little time has passed from him checking into rehab, it seems like more and more people are beginning to think that this isn't just an example of Beasley being a knucklehead, but he might actually be dealing with some issues. And while most people assume if some one famous goes into rehab it's because they're absolutely crazy, that doesn't really seem to be the case here. It seems more like a 20 year old kid who cracked under a very public lifestyle and the enormous expectations placed on his "SuperCoolBeas" shoulder blades.

Now compare this to the case of Plaxico Burress. Coming off a Super Bowl season, he'd established himself as a red zone monster, and for one reason or another, decided to go to a bar with a gun in his sweatpants and shoot himself in his Chuck Taylor's. ESPN wants to shove him down America's throats now with tear jerking interviews and a truly remorseful Plax, but it's a little too late. Now, I don't live in New York, and I don't own any sweatpants or guns, so maybe this is how everyone rolls to the clubs. But Plax, you dug your own grave on this one.

It's easy to just write off all celebrities as spoiled, ungrateful blowhards (and Plaxico certainly appears to fit that mold), but it's unfair to assume that they can't deal with real issues too. Michael Beasley is still just a kid. He's still growing up. He can't even buy a drink, though I imagine that hasn't proven to be much of an issue for him. Most 20 year olds are just trying to figure out how to get to the quad and back. And that's not to say that is any easier or harder than learning how to guard the pick and roll, but with a long career ahead of him, there is hope yet for SuperCoolBeas.

So as for you drunken Pearl Jam fan, I decided to give you the benefit of the doubt. I do not think you're crazy. I do not know what led you to consumer 5 drinks in 30 minutes, but you missed an epic "Whipping>Not For You." I hope you learn your lesson for the next show...and throw your drinks at some one else.


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Hard to Imagine

I think I overdosed on rock the past two nights.



Two long nights have Pearl Jam have taken it out of me. I'll be back tomorrow with the same fury.




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We got the means the make amends

Busy weekend, a lot to get through and I didn't even see the Bears game so you don't have to worry about my thoughts on the Devins.





The award for worst song everybody loves and I hate goes to...

-"I gotta feeling," by the Black Eyed Peas. Congrats. You somehow made it popular to bastardize saying Mazel Tov. Vegas had the odds of "Entourage" ruining that phrase at 2:5 so I'd call this a minor upset. Now admittedly, I've never been much of a fan of their music, but whenever I think the Black Eyed Peas have become 2000 and late, they find a way to reinvent themselves. "Let's get retarded" should have been a career ending song. Instead it made them an international sensation, so what do I know. I don't want to think about how many times I heard this song this weekend.

Loudest music in a bar that shouldn't have had such loud music goes to..

-Lemming's...or maybe it was Cleo's. I'm not sure. In any event, your music was too loud. Just giving you the heads up.

Best decision to have "The Super Bowl Shuffle" on a jukebox and serve free pretzels goes to...

-Ed and Jean's on Armitage. If the free pool brings them in, the free pretzels seals the deal. The pacman machine was a nice touch also. Maybe the greatest discovery of this weekend.

Most curious conversation choice goes to...

-Two anonymous friends of mine who argued about their brands and colors of jeans for twenty minutes this past weekend. Rather than explain the argument, I'll just provide a few choice quotes and let you make up a story in your head.

"Umm...it's called light and dark."

"I used to wear Levi's too when I was 12 and my mom picked my clothes out for me at Kohl's."

"You think they're going to let us in tonight with your jeans on?"

"I'll look better in $30 jeans than you will ever look."

What's important to note is that this argument taught me that Levi's has some super expensive offerings and that my friends are paying far more attention to what jeans I wear than I initially thought.

Worst business decision goes to...

The 10 Club, Pearl Jam's fan club. I don't how you did it, but you managed to screw up giving out seats by fan club seniority. There were a lot of upset fan club members in the 300 level last night (fortunately, I was not one) and that doesn't seem like a good reason to join the fan club.

Best business decision goes to...

Pearl Jam, by making up for that error by playing a killer show. Some of the diehards online were upset with the lack of any rarities, but I'd say two Who covers and one Neil Young cover made up for this a bit. I can't imagine how they're going to try to top that tonight, but I know I'll probably need earplugs for it.

Best ice cream related decision goes to...

My friend David, who left the show during "Insignificance" to use the bathroom and came back with an enormous vanilla ice cream filled waffle cone. I don't think this is going to cease being funny for a while.

Most disappointing Chicagoan goes to...

-The guy in front of me at Billy Goat, who tried (and failed) to order cheese fries for like five minutes. It's a good thing we were not at the original location. He wouldn't have done well for himself there.

Most likely to have never seen "PCU" goes to...

The bar Hawkeye's and all of its guests. In case you don't know, "PCU" is an entirely forgettable early 90's college movie that is only memorable for two things- a George Clinton and the Parliament Funkadelic performance of "erotic city" and for informing the masses that it isn't cool to wear a t-shirt of the band you're going to see in concert. So needless to say, you can imagine my amusement in walking in to a bar filled with people in Pearl Jam shirts, and the bar actively deciding to only play Pearl Jam before the show, at one point going as far as to turn off a rap song so they could play "Daughter" again.

Greatest decision to enter the world of social media goes to...

Myself. Since starting my twitter feed, I have won a $10 gift certificate to Superdawg, and as of this morning, I have been informed I won a Kevin Garnett autographed shoe. Who needs regular employment when you have a sneaker and a free hot dog?

Pearl Jam night two in 7 1/2 hours. Drop the leash.



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Tighten up...Not you Horace

Yesterday was the first time I've been in a Fantasy Football league where we didn't have a live draft. No offense to ESPN's wonderful flash application, but it just wasn't the same.





Sure, you can virtually make fun of your friends in a chat room but it's not the same. The jokes don't hit as hard. The laughter isn't as real. No one really gets mad when the player they want goes one pick early. My friend taking Hank Baskett in the last round wasn't as funny as it could have been. Sure, it's kind of funny when the clock runs out and auto draft grabs somebody an extra quarterback, but it's forced comedy.

But without a job, I promise you, I will be one of the most committed fantasy football commissioners there is. Weekly updates? Sure. Ragging on Freedman's team for no good reason? Always. Vetoing trades just because I have LM privileges? Of course. Making sure my friend NSJ lives up to his reputation as worst fantasy player ever? A must.

This is going to be a short post. I went to Buffalo Joe's with an old friend for lunch and subsequently I feel like I could have a coronary at any moment. I know this doesn't sound like a ringing endorsement for Buff Joe's, but I promise you, it was worth it.

-Two thumbs up for Ryan Freedman still being able to draft while being in Boston. Sure, you internet was Michael J. Fox shaky (Stop it) but you still made it there, which is what counts. Yes, we'll go to Kuma's when you come home; stop asking now.

-One thumb up for Bears preseason football at home this Saturday. Cutler under threw receivers in training camp, then he did in Buffalo too. Not an ideal start for savior. Also, week two of the "Rashied Davis getting cut from the Bears watch" is in effect.

-Two thumbs down on the Finish Line not ordering the shoes I requested and not telling me until three weeks later. "How to lose a loyal customer" is being taught by Adam from the Finish Line on weekdays from 9-5 at Old Orchard.

-Two thumbs up for two nights of Pearl Jam, this Sunday and Monday. I already like the two new tracks more than anything of the last album.

-Two thumbs up on the continued commitment to this blog. Over 2000 page visits. I'm sure most of these are probably by the same group of readers, and I'm sure I'm responsible for like 1/4 of those visits but I'm still grateful to those of you who read this thing and either leave comments or tell me you enjoy it.

I've tried to commit myself to writing on this everyday and I've noticed a few things in the process. First, writing everyday is hard. It's even harder when I'm trying to write something I think people might enjoy. And even harder to make it funny. So if my pace slows down a bit, I apologize.

The longer I stay without a job, the longer I begin to experience the same jobless emotions. This means I end up with recycled ways of making the same points, and I'm trying hard to avoid that.

So take the good with the bad, and know the best has yet to come with this blog.

From Ashy 2 Classy people.

"When I get in, I gotta make something happen"- Cliff Levingston


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Goin, Goin, Back, Back

Last year at this time I probably had some sort of facebook status about how I was sad I wasn't going back to Champaign. This year, all the 2009 graduates have those statuses. And that's pretty normal.

Except for the Northwestern grads- that's a nerdy school to want to spend more time at.



Having spent more than a year out of school, I've realized life does go on. I miss college, but I certainly don't miss Champaign or its smell. I'll probably never live as close to all my friends again, and I'll probably never do as little work as I did senior year of college and still pretend like I was a productive member of society (when your biggest concern is memorizing different types of watermelons for your vegetable gardening exam, you're not a productive member of society).

But this is isn't necessarily a bad thing. People grow up. When I went back to school last year and saw the condition of the house I lived in senior year, I realized maybe I put that part of my life behind me (this could also be attributed to the fact that the kids who lived there at the time had ripped up a couch and chose not to replace it because "they weren't going to be there much longer"; it was January).

So yes, 2009 graduates, you'll get over the not-going-back-to-college blues too.

Or maybe, you'll lose your job, spend all day writing for an asinine blog, apply for jobs, go to the cleaners, hassle your other unemployed friends into getting lunch with you, play frisbee golf, look for Jordans (not fakes) online, not shave, argue with Finish Line employees and shop for sweat shorts so it's really a crap shoot.

But even without a job, I'm realizing I still wouldn't want to be back in Champaign. I thought about this when a friend of mine called to tell me he was playing basketball with DJ Richardson at the AEPI house in Champaign

A few thoughts went through my head at this moment.

1- If somebody from AEPI injures Illinois' top 2009 recruit, they're going to have a lot of explaining to do to me (I imagine DJ Richardson will probably have a lot of explaining to do to Bruce Weber also, but I digress).
2- Aren't the basketball players banned from this kind of behavior? The answer is obviously yes, and I know this because Brian Carlwell told me when I asked him how his flag football team was doing.
3. Why did a top 50 national recruit feel like he needed to prove his dominance against my slow, white jewish friends?

(For the record, I was told he looked dominant, which is a good thing.)

And for about 5-10 seconds, I thought how I'd like to be down there. But there comes point, even for me, where doing nothing and getting excited over watching 18 year old Peoria natives play basketball is not as appealing as it seems.

So to all of my friends entering their senior years in champaign, have fun and go easy on DJ Richardson.

And to all of my friends entering the real world, trust me, be glad you're not still in Champaign.


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Don't Belong

I've had a few people mention that my posts have been a little too sports oriented of late so I'm going to try to not rant about what's wrong with giving a 40 year old quarterback $750,000 everytime he takes the field.

(And no, I'm not talking about Jeff George, but couldn't you just look at that 'stache all day? No?)





I'm currently in my 8th week of unemployment and I'm starting to get the sense the unemployment world had just a little bit too much of me, too soon. The freelance offers from staffing agencies are less frequent. The job opportunities I see online are even more sparse than they've been.

Even the government is getting fed up. When I go online to verify unemployment now, I don't even have to answer questions anymore. I just type in the code from the last time I logged on, and boom, check in mail. It's like they're saying "Yeah, we believe you, stop buggin' us already, here's a check, go get some chinos and a job."

And while the purchase of some new chinos probably wouldn't help my cause that much, it certainly couldn't hurt it anymore.

My brother and I had a conversation not too long ago about how our parents' generation has screwed all of us. Back then, as long as you went to school and worked hard, it was possible to be successful. Those days appear to be long gone. Too many smart kids are finishing college today and not having a place to go work. I'd like to think I did it the opposite of people who take the summer off and start work. I started work and then took the next summer off. Not necessarily by choice, but regardless.

Now inevitably, after you've been unemployed for a little while, let's throw out an arbitrary number and say 6+ weeks, you start to think about other alternatives to the job you've wanted. I would like to stay in the advertising industry, preferably at an agency. Unfortunately, as I'm finding out, there isn't a huge market for junior copywriters with extensive Pearl Jam and Chicago Bulls knowledge.

So you start to consider things close to what you want, but not really. I'm sure I could apply for jobs on the account side, but the longer I did that, the more likely it would be I'd never get back to creative.

I talked to people from some Starcom/Mindshare. They couldn't even tell me what they did on a day to day basis. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it also wasn't a ringing endorsement.

Going back to school is all the rage! but it doesn't necessarily make sense for everyone. If I want to stay in creative, what good does an MBA do me? I'm convinced everyone when they're unemployed considers going back to school to get a teaching degree, but I'm not sure I should be shaping the minds of our youth (though I'm not sure some of my friends should be either, but that's another discussion).

So those are some of the more reasonable ideas. But I'd like to think I have other options, too.

While in high school, I led a game of bingo at a retirement home and one of the employee's there was so impressed by my performance he suggested I consider doing it on a cruise ship for several years (I should note some of the folks at the home said I clapped too loud at times, and they aren't the first group of people to complain about how loud I clap). I'm not saying I'm going to lead bingo as a career, but it's nice to have options.

Besides, if I did something like that, I'd rather go to a Club Med where I could ensure I get to dance to "Hands Up" everyday I'm employed there.

Dear god, somebody hire me.


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Thank you, Sofia Coppola.

Well, it's just about official. Brett Favre is coming back to the NFL. I, for one, am stunned.



As a Bears fan, it is ingrained in my blood to hate Brett Favre. Not dislike him, hate him. I've been hearing John Madden say "He's just a kid out there" for as long as I can remember, and I have reached my boiling point.

My earliest memory of the day I figured out I hated Brett Favre was at a Bears game. This drunk woman sitting behind My dad and I shouted at Brett Favre for the WHOLE GAME about his vicodin addiction. I didn't know what Vicodin was at the time (and wouldn't until several years later when my wisdom teeth were removed, and I woke up from a nap bleeding from my mouth and decided I would have just about taken any painkillers at that moment) but this woman was an awful heckler. And because I couldn't turn around and punch her, I just decided I would channel all of my hatred for her to Brett Favre.

I do not care that he won a Super Bowl (over Drew Bledsoe, so the jury is still out there). I enjoyed when John Elway out Favred'd Favre on his goal line dive. If Favre did that, he'd have his own ESPN channel right now that would have that play on loop with Antonio Freeman's reaction to it. When Michael Vick and the Falcons became the first team to win in a playoff game in Lambeau in 2003, I felt like I finally grew up.

So like 1000 interceptions later, Favre has turned himself into this media shit storm, so when he isn't playing pickup football games in a watered down field in Wrangler jeans, he is not telling anyone what his plans are so ESPN reporters can gain residency outside of his house and remind us every five minutes he is alive.

This game ended a few weeks ago when Favre decided he was packing it up for good.

Packing it up for good only lasted like a month though. Mort was the first one on the scene today to report Favre's deal with the Vikings, reportedly worth between 10 and 12 million.

Personally, I can't imagine what it's going to be like when he goes back to Lambeau. And I'm not talking about Favre's safety-I hope they throw bags of urine at him. I'm talking about the media coverage. Chris Berman probably threw the strippers out of his bed when he heard the news this morning.

I can only hope his 218th comeback goes as bad as some previous comebacks.

-Magic Johnson came back in 1996 for 32 games. He also came back with like 100 more pounds. Hey, you're still a legend come all-star weekend.

-Memphis Raines came out of retirement to save his brother Kip from dangerous Raymond Callitri and run one more boost. In the end though, Eleanor proved to be too much car for him once again (I'm assuming this is how the movie ended).

-Mike Tyson. Pretty self explanatory. Really makes you think if Lennox Lewis had kids though, perhaps he really would have eaten them.

-Michael Jordan. His Airness went for 20 a game, but forever altered the course of Kwame Brown's career. Shame on you.

-Shane "Footsteps" Falco. His own personal feud with Eddie Martel almost cost the whole team a shot at glory.

-Jimmy Chitwood. Became a huge ball hog.

-Shep (Actor Leon) in "Above the Rim." Battling with personal demons over the death of a teammate from a deadly game of who can jump the highest on the roof of a high rise, ends up getting elbowed repeatedly by Wood Harris in basketball tournament finals.

-Jason Williams (Duke). So you don't want to be known as White Chocolate or Limo Driver murderer so you went fresh as Jay. Should have stayed off the chopper, Jay. Thanks for setting the Bulls back 4 years. By the way, Chris Duhon thinks he left his boxers at your place.


Good Riddance Favre. Enjoy your 6-10 season in Minneapolis, and let me know about any upcoming boat parties.




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Unveventful weekend segues into short Monday post.

I outdid even myself this weekend. Superdawg twice in a 72 hour span. This trumps the Pearl Jam 2006 concert where I had Billy Goat's before the concert, and Superdawg after. That was an evening of intense rock and indigestion.



Let's give out some hardware.

Worst disappearance of swagger goes to...

Usain Bolt, for not showboating during his World Record 9.58 run yesterday. Congrats, you are much faster than every other human ever. Now start taunting them mid-race again, because that was awesome.

Fastest guy nobody cares about goes to...

Tyson Gay, for running the 3rd fastest 100 ever, and basically being a footnote as Bolt rewrites history. Bad timing.

Biggest choke of the weekend goes to...

The Las Palmas in Evanston, for screwing up fajitas. Who screws up fajitas? Congratulations. You guys earned this.

2nd biggest choke of the weekend goes too...

Eldrick Woods. Y.E. Yang?

Most clutch performer of the weekend goes too...

The 300 lb. guy at Superdawg last night in a cutoff everlast shirt and shorts. He looked like he was begrudgingly eating. Then he begrudgingly ordered a whoopercheesie (double cheeseburger), a large orange, and a super sundae. He ate all of this in his car, and then peeled out while blasting "Rosalita" by Springsteen. I certainly don't admire this man, but I damn sure respect him.

Worst clutch performer of the weekend goes too...

The guy at the gym who shot 2-handed free throws for an hour and half without relinquishing the good side of the court. Dude, tact.

I was lazy this weekend people. Sorry.

Today was a good day.





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Waking up feeling, good and limber

I might drive to the city today to get a burger. I also might not.

Why? Because I have no job. Everyday is a holiday.



There are a few problems to lookout for in this endless summer lifestyle I've adopted.

First, most of your friends can't take 2 hours off midday to get burgers. This is both sad, and encouraging, as it let's you know maybe this isn't how unemployment is supposed to be spent.

Second, you end up seeing every movie that comes out just because you can. And yes, I thought "Funny People" was too long too.

Enough about this though. The guy who wins the lottery doesn't complain about the taxes he pays on it...or maybe he does, what do I know?

On to the weekend....

-Two big thumbs down to the Finish Line in Old Orchard. I ordered a Jordan Pack from them two weeks ago and it appears they want to do everything but continue to keep my business. Well done, gentlemen. Now that I know Foot Locker price matches, it's been fun shopping in your store.

-Two big thumbs up for Bears preseason action in Buffalo. I hope Rashied Davis has 0 catches, and is cut the next day. I also hope Craig Steltz isn't terrible, but fear he might be. Excellent draft pick, Jerry. Eager to see one quarter of the Cutler era.

-One thumb up for the Air Show, but...

-Two thumbs down for the traffic mess it's going to cause. Sometimes it's not even worth trying getting into the city. This Saturday will be no exception.

-Two thumbs up for Nike releasing a bunch of Bo Jackson inspired shoes. Greatest Video Game athlete ever finally getting his dues.

-One thumb up for most Cubs fans acknowledging the guy who threw a beer on the Flyin' Hawaiian is an idiot. No place for that in baseball. Now as long as some Cubs fan attack an ump and a first base coach during the remainder of this season, Sox fans will be off the hook for a little while.

-Two thumbs down for Mitchell Park turning the lights off at 10:00. Dan Saken would not have stood for this.

-One thumb down on the hummus at Trax. I've had better.

and lastly...

-Two thumbs way up on Michael Vick being back in the NFL. He has insured that there will be several PETA shit storms wherever Philadelphia plays and I could not be more excited to watch these happen. Plus, any team with him, Donovan, Desean Jackson, and Jeremy Maclin is going to be sort of exciting.

Stay up, people.


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They're bringing in the 2nd string quarterback

Inadvertantly, this could be the 3rd year in a row where Ron Zook ultimately decides if I'll ever get to visit Israel. So for all the Illini fans who feel screwed by the Zooker, he messes with my vacation plans too.




For the past 5 winters now, my Mom has been urging me to go on Birthright, the 10 day trip to see and experience Israel. Every Jewish person I know who has gone on it comes home and talks about how great of a time they had. Some even talk about how all they want to do is go back, which segues into a series of reunions and facebook albums that all have the same photos with slightly different captions of inside jokes nobody understands. Eventually a facebook group is made to keep in touch.

Now admittedly, I have never gone on birthright so maybe all of this stuff is normal. In any event, who am I to judge?

For a while I blamed my inability to take advantage of this tremendous opportunity on any excuse I could come up with, ranging from the completely unreasonable...

"Nah, not this year, it's my first winter break home from college. I want to show all my friends how awesome my alcohol tolerance has gotten."

"Nah, not this summer, it's my first summer home from college. I want to show all my friends how sick I am at Beer Pong."

To the slightly more reasonable.....

"I bought a ticket to see Jon Brion at the Harris Theater and he doesn't come to Chicago that often."*

*This event is immortalized on a recording a friend has of Brion's Bruce Springsteen tribute, where a drunk kid in front of us can be heard threatening to kick my brother's ass.

But in recent years, I have developed only one reason to blame my unwillingness to sign up, and that is Ron Zook.

Ron Zook is famous for spawning the website FireRonZook.com, being the coach of the University of Illinois Football team, and for being in this photo. Since he's come to U of I, I can list 3 games of the top of my head that he has single handedly blown for us- Indiana 2006 (the swinging gate debacle), Iowa 2007 (accepts two penalties leading to Iowa conversions), Minnesota 2008 (too much to mention).

Somehow, a 9-3 season fell into his lap in 2007 and since then the Zooker has remained in Ron Guenther's good graces, even leading to a recent contract extension so his job seems relatively secure in spite of everything going against him. Last season's team was coming off a Rose Bowl appearance and was expected to be the first Illini team to go to consecutive bowl games in years. With the exception of the loss of Rashard Mendenhall to the draft, all of the key pieces were back. A 5-7 season was what ended up happening, epitomized by a blowout loss to Northwestern in their final game of the season.

So as bad as the Zook-led Illini were last year, there's reason to believe that maybe things will be different this year. Illinois has arguably the top receiving core in the nation. They have an NFL quality tight end. They're going to score points. Will they stop anyone on defense? That we will have to wait and see.

Which brings me to my dilemma. Nobody saw Illinois going to the Rose Bowl in the 2007 season, except maybe J "Turbo" Leman. Expectations are lowered again this year, which just might be what Illinois needs to sneak up on some teams again.

Should I risk going to Israel to miss a potentially bowl-bound Illini team? Is this something that normal people think about when given the opportunity to go on a free trip to Israel? Would missing one football game be the worst thing in the world? How can I be sure I'm going to like Shawarma?

Damn you, Ron Zook.

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Your job is in another castle.

It recently occurred to me my life is one giant game of facebook. Come read what's on my wall.



Because no one will actually hire me at the moment (which you should all be grateful for), all I'm really doing is sending out emails hoping people will sit down and talk with me. This is the friend request part.

Sometimes people sympathize with my situation and they agree to meet with me and offer their two cents. I'm grateful, we exchange pleasantries, and I follow up with a thank you email. This is the writing on the wall after becoming friends part. Normally this post is something under the guise of being witty like "Hey, friends already? LOL! How fun was this weekend?"

The other frequent scenario is not getting any response at all. This is the equivalent of toiling away in some one's facebook "pending" purgatory. There's nothing you can do but be patient and wait in there.

An infrequent occurrence is a response back saying they have no time to meet (I'm assuming most people without time to meet fall more into the above category of just not responding at all). This is the equivalent of the facebook rejection. The email might even say something like "Maybe in the future when I have more time," which is the equivalent of getting rejected on facebook, updating to a new, hotter facebook photo, joining a few more groups, and sending out another friend request down the road sometime.

The rarest occurrence of all is getting an email back for an interview. This is the facebook equivalent of receiving a message, but a direct message. Not a party update to inform you that the liquor package now also includes top shelf from 10-1 for only $25. You don't get a lot of messages, and you don't get a lot of interviews, so cherish them.

Inevitably, you won't get hired on most interviews, but because we're in the middle of the recession and people feel bad, you'll get a nice email back saying you were an excellent candidate and to keep in touch. This is the equivalent of somebody hitting the "Like" button for your status. It's a kind gesture and nothing more.

Occassionally, meeting with somebody can lead you to another person. This is the equivalent to somebody posting a link on facebook (of which I'm guilty everyday with this blog). You came to facebook to creep, not to watch some crappy Youtube sports video of a Vince Carter missed dunk in college....moving on.

This is not to say that networking is all for naught. It's actually how I got my last internship. But there's just no end to it. It's like how on the first world of Mario 3 you they provide you with two paths you can go on, and one has the extra face-connector stage, but you have to go through two extra stages to get there. So the extra life might help you down the road, but you have to go through a lot to get it.



(If you'll note in the above imagine, the extra level in question comes after the 3rd stage, but as you can clearly see, you there is no reason to EVER play levels 3 and 4 in this world as you can completely bypass them all together and face no repercussions)

This is sort of how I view networking. Not so much a big risk, but rather an investment with no foreseeable end (much like Mario 3, which was nearly impossible to beat). You can meet with everyone in the world who will sit down with you, but you still might leave without a job. There's reason to believe though that the more people you know, the greater odds somebody will know a place that's hiring.

I'm hoping my next interview has a magic flute hidden in it somehwere.



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Sea of Madness

I remember when I was in 3rd grade I ran into my teacher at the time in public once. It was awkward for both parties.

These moments continue to happen though...and they're no less awkward.



The impetus for this post occurred recently. I had gone to see a movie with my brother and ran into a guy I knew from my local pickup basketball game at the gym. We said hello and moved on our ways, but it was still a bit off. Part of me wanted to ask him, "So, you don't wear mesh shorts and sweat profusely all the time?"

Also, I'm confident the other guy has not thought twice about the encounter since it took place, and I'm not sure if he enjoyed "Bruno" though Harold Ramis* was in our theater and I overheard him saying "It was funny."

*An oversized man with a smaller fro walked into the theater and from the second to top row, my brother says "Looks like Ramis," and we shared a laugh. I went to the bathroom before the movie started and who walks out of the theater still putting his pants back on? You guessed it- Egan himself.

But back to the guy from the gym. Is there ever an non-awkward encounter between somebody you only see in one setting? I remember seeing my freshmen year high school english teacher at the taste of Chicago that summer. She had a sizable stack of beer cups. Needless to say, this was only awkward for her.

There were kids I knew in junior high exclusively from running into them on Friday nights at Northbrook court. That wasn't weird. It was weird when I stopped running into them and they still wanted to be friends.

I worked at a camp one summer. All we did was talk about how much we hated it. We all came back the next summer. Whenever I ran into these people, all we knew how to talk about was camp. or how bad the food was at the camp. We needed the camp. So predictably, when I stopped working there, I only kept in touch with my boss (who also left) and when I ran into the owner he called me Mr. Cooper (and I'm assuming this wasn't a Mark Curry reference....as much as I wanted it to be).

And yet none of this was even half as strange as when I ran into a girl from a few posts back. You can refresh your memory here. The abridged version, if you dont recall, is my brother ran into a some one who he didn't know, but apparently she knew me (even if I had to pull out the yearbook when I heard her name). She told my brother I was a f*cking asshole and I was rude to her in college but we didn't go to the same schools. Outstanding.

Fast forward to last Thursday. I'm at the Cubby Bear North (where I ran in to more people from the gym, and these people are only in town for a few weeks doing business training! What are the odds?). Sitting down talking to some people and who's looking at me from across the deck? The girl. So naturally, after making eye contact with her, I laughed for like 10 seconds and said nothing to her the rest of the evening.

If she wants to think I'm an asshole, I might as well try to give her a reason to think that way.



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The post with James Augustine

It was a busy weekend to be unemployed. I saw a comedian famous for his work in Sonic commercials, ate at two different Wolfy's, and watched some kid at the gym do the seated row while on his cell phone. Yeah...



Busy weekend to be unemployed. Let's give out some weekend awards.

Best display of bravery goes to...

-The guy in the plaid shirt using the stall in Social 25 at 1:30 in the morning. To me, this probably would have been in a deal breaker in the sense I would have gone home. But not this fellow. With a line about 25 deep, he bravely went to the bathroom on the same toilet that roughly 1000 people had already urinated on. Bravo!

Worst use of 7 Footer goes to....

-Social 25, for not playing "Call on me" when James Augustine walked into the bar, when it's clear Augustine loves to fist pump.

Best sign of how connected we are goes to...

-The kid at the gym who kept his cell phone in his pocket and answered it while doing a seated row. I can't even write anything that was funnier than the sight of this. Just know he stayed on his phone for the next 10 minutes, and while I had my headphones on, just seeing him talking bothered me. While I couldn't hear the conversation, I'm convinced he was talking about how hammered he got the previous night.

Worst coincidence goes to...

-Me, for actively choosing to dine at the Wolfy's in Northbrook on Friday (Cheddar Burger), and then randomly passing the original Wolfy's on Peterson on Saturday (Italian Beef; hot peppers) en route to a Jeff Tweedy concert. I don't know where I'd put the odds of such an occurrence on happening, but I'd say they're low.

Best coincidence goes to...

-Paul for knowing the owners of the Wolfy's in Northbrook, which led to me getting half of a free grilled salami sandwich. Sport peppers were a nice touch, but I'm sticking with the burger or dog.

Best "We can all get along" moment goes to...

-The church 3 blocks from Emanuel Congregation that allowed people to park there for the Jeff Tweedy concert. $10 was cheap too, compared to other parking situations in the city. Mazel Tov.

Best comedian who appears in Sonic commercials goes to...

-Peter Grosz, who opened for Jeff Tweedy and was at least 13x funnier than I thought he'd be. No reference to the Sonic commercials either, which in all honesty, is probably a good thing when you're playing a Synagogue in Edgewater and the closest Sonic is in Aurora.

Most curious "WTF" moment goes to...

-Emanuel Congregation, for serving beer and allowing concertgoers to drink it in the sanctuary. L'Chaim, indeed.

Best use of guilt trip to induce tip a goes to...

-The bathroom attendant on Friday night, who shouted "Slow down, Player!" at me when I tried to b-line it out of the bathroom after washing my hands. You know what? You're right. You do deserve a dollar for pushing the soap button for me.

Best moment of the weekend goes to....

-Anyone who reads this thing, for hitting the 1000 page visit mark. I'm very grateful and flattered. I started this to kill time while looking for a job. If anyone decided to read it, that was just a bonus so thanks for reading everyone.

The streets is watchin' people.

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Back for another verse

If you've come to read something profound or relevant, well, you are definitely in the wrong place. Hell, even if you wanted to read something grammatically correct, you are again, probably in the wrong place. And yes, that is a dig at you Gwynne.



Now we left off with your faithful hero (in this situation, me) and his brother defying the odds by venturing off to a Chili's in a galaxy far away (well, Arlington Heights). The first bad sign was that this particular Chili's shared a parking lot with an Olive Garden, which inadvertently led to a far walk to and from the restaurant, and I'm not going to suggest that this was going to help us burn off the meal. I think it's probably pretty obvious that we weren't concerned with burning off our meal if we were choosing to dine at Chili's.

We walked in, and it felt like, for a moment at least, that we were back in Deerfield. Although, the same could be said for any Chili's. Architecturally, they're all the same. Bar with a few booths in the middle, smoking on the left, non-smoking on the right. Clientele looked about the same, with a mixture of families and high school kids.

A married couple entered before us, and they were told it would be a few minutes by the high school aged hostess. My brother and I were told the same thing. Looking around, there were no fewer than 10 open tables.

I breathed a sigh of relief. It was good to be back.

A few moments later, we were seated in the last booth in the back of the restaurant, presumably so no one would see us. With the exception of the layout of the menu, everything else was looked unchanged over the past 15 years. It appeared as if the menu had more offerings with "Buffalo" and "Kickin'" in the name, but I suppose that was only a matter of time.

Our waiter came by shortly after and asked how we were doing. Fine, thanks, how are you? There was like a 3 second pause then, where he laughed, and said fine too. It was unclear why our waiter was on a tape delay and laughing at us, but I know the track record Chili's has with waiters so I assumed our waiter was building towards something greater.

Two cokes and chips order in, we were on our way.

Sadly, things only went downhill from here. The disparity from chip to chip was great, with some being greasy and overly salty. The salsa lacked any sort of consistency to it. An ominous start to the meal.

My next mistake can't be blamed on the restaurant, however.

I decided to abandon my standard order of the grilled chicken sandwich (I couldn't even begin to explain to you how over time my go to order at a tex-mex restaurant became the most plain item on the menu but you're going to have to trust me on this one, it was a good sandwich pushed over the top by a much better than average honey mustard dressing). I went for their version of Ruby Tuesday's mini burgers, aptly titled the Big Mouth Bites. They were not good; in fact, they weren't even mini burgers. They just cut up one burger into four pieces and threw it on a plate with some overcooked fried onions. I spent the whole meal thinking about how much I would have enjoyed the chicken sandwich.



My brother got his standard order- appetizer sampler. The name evolution of this particular item has been fascinating. While everything else on the menu has kept it's name, the appetizer sampler has a had a pretty standard stretch of switching the name every 5-6 years. As far as I can tell, the progression was

Mombo Combo> Triple Play> currently, the Triple Dipper.

While the current incarnation allows you to pick the items you want in your sampler, 99% of the items appear to be deep fried chicken pieces, so it ends up coming off as false hustle on Chili's part. You can't pull a fast on this consumer, Chili's.

My worst fears turned out to be true; we'd been writing a revisionist history all along. The restaurant my friends in college once referred to as the old stompin' grounds was no more. The mehh food and service finally caught up to the mehh charm.

The thrill is gone.

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Return to Glory

My brother and I did the unthinkable last evening- we drove 6.8 miles away (roughly 20-25 minutes in the car), two suburbs over, to go to a Chili's. I know what you're thinking- Did you at least get the bottomless chips and salsa? The answer is yes.




Now like anyone who grew up in Deerfield, my relationship with Chili's is long and storied. There was the time before a 4th grade concert where Josh Altman, in attempting to order the Guiltless Chicken Sandwich, asked for the gutless chicken sandwich, sending my grandparents into hysterics (he also fell on the way out of the restaurant, sending mud up his pants, which probably would have been more embarrassing had we not only been in 4th grade, but trust me, it was still pretty funny at the time).

There was the time in junior high we got take out and when they mistakenly gave my mom corn on the cob instead of french fries, she ripped the manager a new one over the phone, letting him know why a burger and corn just wouldn't suffice (this memory narrowly beats out her driving back to Chili's in a snowstorm because in her order of fajitas they did not include her boat of salsa, guacamole and rice).

There was the time in high school our waiter inexplicably asked if we wanted ranch with our chips and salsa, and then charged us $1.50 for the ranch, not that I'm still bitter about it.

And then one day, just like that, all the memories were gone when Chili's up and left (I remember this being sometime around 2004, because I remember eating there with John Nollin and my memory tells me that such a meal could have only taken place in 2003). Forever since, a void has been left in the take-out hearts of Deerfield residents.

Sure, we had a Bennigan's and Applebee's within walking distance of Chili's, but both of those restaurants do a poor job of recreating the magic of dining in Chili's.

But out of despair, came a miracle. When I left for Champaign in the fall of 2004, I was graced with a beautiful site of seeing a Chili's in driving distance (made only mildly more disturbing by the fact it was surrunded by an Outback, Applebee's, Cheddar's and a bevvy of other restaurants all offering the same items).

And let me tell you, if you liked Chili's in the suburbs, you'll love them in college towns.

Inexperienced waiters- Check.

Uninformed hosts who provide inaccurate seating times- Check.

No Salsa consistency and each time charged a different amount for the chips- Check.

The greatness emanating from this Chili's was that it seemed as if almost all of the employees were indifferent to their jobs, willing to engage in time consuming conversations about nonsense while teaching us the Chili's shorthand, like reggae boat. No one stood out more than legendary waiter Brian. One meal alone he delivered two all-time classic lines.

1. We walk in and sit down. Brian comes over, takes our drink order, and before we say anything else, asks "Do you guys want the chips? Yeah, you want the chips!" and walks away. Veteran move.

2. After presumably eating like 3 baskets of chips, I barely made a dent in my nachos (shocking). Brian asks if I want a box. I mull the decision briefly. Ultimately, I inquire from Brian "These aren't going to be good reheated are they?" Brian says no and we nix the box. Then what happened next was out of this world. Only Brian's head emerged from behind the kitchen door, like he was a sock puppet or something, and the tone of his voice raised dramatically as he said "But they're pretty good cold!" He then laughed and retreated back into the kitchen, before emerging again with a box. Only Brian.

So it was with a mixture of nostalgia and uncertainty that my brother and I ventured back to Chili's yesterday, the first time for both of us in years really. Was the magic still there?

Check back tomorrow.


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The Starter Pack

Make no bones about it- you can't half-ass unemployment. Fortunately, I have a little experience here, and with my recommendations, you too can look unemployed in no time.



The first order of business is your unemployment uniform. If you don't have a job, you don't want to look like you have a job so you need a uniform (the irony of this was I was in the city today meeting with some employed folks, which required me to wear a suit. Now ordinarily, this might make me look less unemployed but considering it was 85 degrees, the only idiots walking around the loop in suits were presumably unemployed, so it's refreshing to know I can dress nice and still come off as unemployed).

You're going to need a few pairs of sweat shorts. Nothing says unemployment more than sweatpants that have been turned into shorts. It gives off the vibe that you were too lazy to take your sweatpants off, but too hot to keep them on, so you just started cutting them up one day. Now I only have one pair of sweat shorts so I improvise by wearing them everyday. I don't think anyone has noticed yet.

In terms of shirts, nothing says unemployed like a good v-neck. It's like the undershirt's better-dressed cousin. Of course, you don't want to be mistaken for some one going for the cool, understated v-neck look so make sure you exclusively wear white v-necks. Any other color than white and you're giving off an entirely different vibe. Case in point- Ryan Atwood from "The O.C" only wore white beaters and he looked like he could have been from Chino, albeit with an expensive layered haircut (by the way, how clear is it I've been watching the Soap Channel from 2-4 most week days?).

Footwear wise, you're on your own. People used to wear flip flops because they were cheap and very available. Then they became hip, expensive, and in SNL Digital Shorts. Just don't wear uggs- I know that much.

Your weapon of choice- your computer. Inevitably, you'll end up sitting at your computer all day. Whether it be emailing potential employers, creating bogus time zapping blogs, or reading about Mischa Barton's psychiatric problems (again, I'm gonna stop watching) the computer is where you're going to do your most damage. Get a comfy desk chair, stay away from Hulu and you'll be okay.

The unemployment kryptonite is, not surprisingly, money. All of your friends are going to go out on the weekends because this what normal people do. You will want to go out for lunch during the week because you spend every waking moment on your computer. Again, very normal. And you will do all of the above things, only you will sit there upset you just spent more money when you have none coming in. This, as far as I can tell, is the biggest downside to unemployment. Doing things cost money. Money you do not have. Suddenly, it isn't always a good idea to go to Superdawg at 12 on a Tuesday (strictly from a financial standpoint; I will never say anything bad about Superdawg's food, or about the kid I saw there last night who ordered a rarely seen vanilla/strawberry swirl cone, and enjoyed it so much that he went back and got separate vanilla and chocolate cones, all of which begs the question, who double fists ice cream cones, and how little punctuation can I use in one sentence).

So the obvious answer would be to not engage in the listed activities but that's impossible. The failure to leave one's house would drive most people crazy (with the exception being Chuck Klosterman, who'd turn it into an article Spin would pay him copious amounts of money for, but I digress). My reccommendation is to stop drinking expensive tequila. Maybe you might even lose some weight like Lendale White.

So there you have it, unemployment in a nutshell. You'll probably also go to the cleaners a lot, unload the dishwasher a lot, and get sent to Whole Foods to buy turkey breast. Did you know on Thursday their rotisserie chickens are only $6?

Happy Wednesday people, and for anyone reading this at home, O.C on in eight minutes.

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It's so hard....

Today, once again, I say goodbye to a dear friend- my unemployment beard.


In the spirit of looking for full time employment, I must meet with a couple of nice people today and it's probably in my best interest to not look homeless. So once again, two weeks of hard work (or lack thereof) go down the drain.

Unfortunately, this has left me with little time to document my unemployed lifestyle, so check back tomorrow for more unemployed goodness.

Hard to believe those Boyz II Men pants were ever socially acceptable.



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MVP of the Unemployed Game

I'm about a month into this joblessness venture and I must say, I'm pretty used to it. I have pretty much the same schedule everyday. I lead a low stress existence. I'm pretty happy.



However, this is not to say that everyone feels the same way.


There seems to be a pattern developing when I run into some one from college or high school and I tell them I'm unemployed. The standard conversation proceeds like so:

Them- "So what are you doing these days?"
Me- "Ehh, sort of in between jobs at the moment. Looking for something full-time again.
Them (half disgusted face)- "Oh. I'm sorry to hear it.
Me (Smiling)- "Nah, it's alright."
Them (Slightly reassured)- "Okay then. Well..where are you living?
Me (Almost laughing)- "I'm at home still."
Them (looking at me like I have the plague)- "Oh."
Me- "Well it nice bumping into. Maybe we can get together and network sometime."
Them- Already walked away.

This is how I would describe most of the casual run-ins I have with people I haven't seen in a while. It's weird. For a while I think people were embarrassed for me that I was living at home. Naturally, when you tell people you were laid off, they are going to feel bad for you too. But a newer trend I'm noticing is that when I tell people I have no job and live at home, they kind of react like you told them you're dying.

And while I appreciate the concern (it's flattering, it really is), there are a lot of people currently laid off. I don't feel sorry for myself, and I would not want any one else too, because there are people worse off than me. If anything, the fact I live at home and don't have to pay a lease is a blessing in my mind.

It's weird to suggest that I'm happier without having a job, but this blog has given me the opportunity to do the kind of writing I would have never been able to at my old job (it's worth nothing I didn't need to wait until I was unemployed to start a blog, but hindsight is 20/20 my friend). As I said in an earlier column, life is about taking advantages of the opportunities put in front of you. There is no better time than now for me to try to define my writing style, and further investigate what my writing is best suited for.

For the time being, I'd love to stay in advertising. The challenge to write creatively and strategically is a constant battle, and that is exciting for some one who is as competitive as I am (because let's be honest, I haven't given up my NBA dreams, but my jumpshot is streaky at best and Gar Forman won't return any of my calls).

The exciting thing about being a writer a now though is that it's really a changing industry. Print media barely has a pulse left. The blogosphere is growing exponentially. And at some point, a happy medium will be found. But really, I'm looking for any opportunity that allows me to take some of the crazy thoughts in my head and get them on paper (or at least Microsoft Word).

What's in store for me next is anyone's guess . Although I'm pretty sure no matter where I end up, I'll have more awkward encounters with old classmates. So as long as my next writing job allows me to continue to be awkward in social situations with people I haven't seen in 5+ years, I'm cool with that.



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Hater in the House

First off, allow me to say it's never a good idea to have Kuma's and Smoque in the same day. You just feel heavy. Not gross. Heavy.



But there's a reason you're getting a weekend post and it doesn't have anything to do with my eating exploits.


Here's how it went down.

My brother is in some bar in Wicker Park. Finds his friend who is talking to a girl. It turns out said girl went to Deerfield High School. My brother introduces himself, says he is probably a bit older. Girl says she knows him, and she knows me. At which point she says I'm a f*cking asshole*.

* Now it's important to realize that the girl knew she was talking to my brother. Did she not expect this information was going to get back to me? Did she just not care? Let's read on and see what else happens!

My brother, obviously a little taken back, said something to the extent of "I find that hard to believe. He seems like a nice enough kid." Or basically, the kind of comment any brother would making sticking up for his sibling**.

** Now clearly this girl did not know my brother, so was she expecting him to be like "Yeah, you're right, he kind of an ass." The sad thing is, we'll probably never know.

Said girl continues on by saying I was not nice to her in college. My brother asked if she went to Illinois. She said no***.

***We didn't go to college together. Did I snub you at Potbelly's or something? You know, you could have said hello to me also.

Girl asks my brother if I was the rush chair of my fraternity. My brother responds yes. Girl continues on saying I wasn't nice when she visited****.

****This all begs the question- was this girl, who I presumably haven't spoken to since junior high, if ever, trying to rush the fraternity I was in? Because we didn't bid any girls. We didn't even really hang out with that many girls if it got in the way of playing beer bong and listening to '97 phish shows.

So as far as I can tell, somebody I never spoke to in 7 years of school came to Champaign sometime during my sophomore campaign (saying campaign makes it sound more like my four years of college were building towards something greater than this blog) and was upset because we continued a mutual trend of not speaking to each other.

Am I upset? No. There are presumably a lot of people that dislike me. Am I entertained? Thoroughly. I hope you have room in your voodoo doll of me to stick one more pin in after you read this column.

Here's to you, hater #1001. Now play her off, Keyboard Gato.


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