Hater in the House

First off, allow me to say it's never a good idea to have Kuma's and Smoque in the same day. You just feel heavy. Not gross. Heavy.



But there's a reason you're getting a weekend post and it doesn't have anything to do with my eating exploits.


Here's how it went down.

My brother is in some bar in Wicker Park. Finds his friend who is talking to a girl. It turns out said girl went to Deerfield High School. My brother introduces himself, says he is probably a bit older. Girl says she knows him, and she knows me. At which point she says I'm a f*cking asshole*.

* Now it's important to realize that the girl knew she was talking to my brother. Did she not expect this information was going to get back to me? Did she just not care? Let's read on and see what else happens!

My brother, obviously a little taken back, said something to the extent of "I find that hard to believe. He seems like a nice enough kid." Or basically, the kind of comment any brother would making sticking up for his sibling**.

** Now clearly this girl did not know my brother, so was she expecting him to be like "Yeah, you're right, he kind of an ass." The sad thing is, we'll probably never know.

Said girl continues on by saying I was not nice to her in college. My brother asked if she went to Illinois. She said no***.

***We didn't go to college together. Did I snub you at Potbelly's or something? You know, you could have said hello to me also.

Girl asks my brother if I was the rush chair of my fraternity. My brother responds yes. Girl continues on saying I wasn't nice when she visited****.

****This all begs the question- was this girl, who I presumably haven't spoken to since junior high, if ever, trying to rush the fraternity I was in? Because we didn't bid any girls. We didn't even really hang out with that many girls if it got in the way of playing beer bong and listening to '97 phish shows.

So as far as I can tell, somebody I never spoke to in 7 years of school came to Champaign sometime during my sophomore campaign (saying campaign makes it sound more like my four years of college were building towards something greater than this blog) and was upset because we continued a mutual trend of not speaking to each other.

Am I upset? No. There are presumably a lot of people that dislike me. Am I entertained? Thoroughly. I hope you have room in your voodoo doll of me to stick one more pin in after you read this column.

Here's to you, hater #1001. Now play her off, Keyboard Gato.

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