It should be no surprise to any of you that I have a lot of time to think about nonsense. In the morning. In the evening. When I go to the gym. My mind wanders...constantly. And for all of the crazy thoughts I sometimes think, I've had enough time to convince myself that there's reason to think that Megan Fox would like me.
I don't have one or two good reasons for believing this either. I have ten. Walk with me people....
10. We both hate Shia Labeouf.
Now I know what you're thinking. Yes, they dated. Yes, they did two movies together. But both of those facts only convince me further that she hates him. I hated Shia Labeouf the first time I saw him on the Disney Channel, and I have hated him since. Megan Fox broke up with him, presumably because she eventually figured out how annoying he is. How would would one figure this out? Perhaps months of seeing him for 12 hour shooting days.
9. According to Wikipedia, Fox used to eat lunch in the bathroom in school to avoid being picked on. I never did this. However, DJ did on "Full House" once, so presumably, I could relate. This is important.
8. Fox had an uncredited role as an extra in "Bad Boys II." I have never seen "Bad Boys II," because it looked awful. I assume this is the reason Fox did not want to be credited. We can talk about this together.
7. Fox has "Brian" tattooed on her because of her former love for Brian Austin Green. So do I.
6. Fox was born in Tennessee. I am a fan of Memphis style BBQ, which is characterized by "wet ribs, made with a mild, sweet barbecue sauce that's basted on the ribs before and after smoking." We can eat ribs together.
5. Fox starred in the Swedish-American soap opera "Ocean Ave." Ocean Avenue is the name of the only Yellowcard song I know.
4. Fox understands the value of unintentional comedy. She told Harry Smith from CBS News that "Transformers 2" is for geniuses (She further proves this point after Smith says he saw the movie in Imax, to which she responded "God Bless You." Wtf?).
3. Clearly, we both enjoy 90210. She was engaged to Brian Austin Green. I illegally downloaded part of the first season, specifically the episode where Jason Priestly improbably makes the JV basketball team over Ian Ziering.
2. She has said that she wants to be known for her acting before her sexiness. I encounter the same problem with my writing, trying to be known for my blog first, sexiness second.
1. She says she doesn't like watching her work. I haven't seen either Transformers because they both looked terrible. I am the perfect man for her.
So there you have it. I'm not aggressively trying to get this information to her because my concern is that she's probably just a little too smart for me. But let the record state, Megan makes more sense for me than I do for her.
My head hurts.
Cicchetti
9 years ago
I sometimes think about how much more I would hate Shia Labeouf had we gone to the same high school together. That is simply a terrifying thought, and my condolences for all who had to go through that.
ReplyDeleteWhere is your Brian tattoo? I just got one on my forearm similar to that of Dennis Scott's. I chose to use the picture of me from my college graduation in full cap and gown. I felt accoomplished that day.
ReplyDeleteDan, don't worry about getting the information to her. Based on your very valid arguments, I'm guessing she'll come to you. Great insight!
ReplyDeleteHowever, on a side note, I must disagree with your opinion of Shia LaBeouf... I'm an Even Stevens Fan 4 lyfe.
This blog is hilare; keep up the good work! Cheers
Thanks for posting everyone!.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes Blum, Dennis Scott's portrait tattoo of himself might be one of the most underrated tattoos of all time.
And Jenny, I appreciate the intentional spelling of lyfe with a "y".
i'm just totally confused by Jenny flippantly using shorthand for hilarious (yes, indeed the "ous" did take me an excruciatingly long amount of time to execute so it's semi-understandable why a young person would do such a thing in today's hustle/bustle world) yet properly uses a semi colon, pointing to her extensive, albeit subversive, knowledge of crafting well put together english phrasiology.
ReplyDeleteHey Weiss, remember when I told you I absolutely hate it when people use the term "cheers?"
ReplyDeletebullet: yes, I know it's astonishing...I'm a grammatical anomaly, if you will.-But it's like I always say, if it saves you sylls, don't type, speak, or even think it.
ReplyDeletepaul: That was totes unecess. (essary)
I didn't realize the responsibility that came with commenting on a blog! I didn't ask for this. Have a nice day, fellow commentators