Thank you, Sofia Coppola.

Well, it's just about official. Brett Favre is coming back to the NFL. I, for one, am stunned.



As a Bears fan, it is ingrained in my blood to hate Brett Favre. Not dislike him, hate him. I've been hearing John Madden say "He's just a kid out there" for as long as I can remember, and I have reached my boiling point.

My earliest memory of the day I figured out I hated Brett Favre was at a Bears game. This drunk woman sitting behind My dad and I shouted at Brett Favre for the WHOLE GAME about his vicodin addiction. I didn't know what Vicodin was at the time (and wouldn't until several years later when my wisdom teeth were removed, and I woke up from a nap bleeding from my mouth and decided I would have just about taken any painkillers at that moment) but this woman was an awful heckler. And because I couldn't turn around and punch her, I just decided I would channel all of my hatred for her to Brett Favre.

I do not care that he won a Super Bowl (over Drew Bledsoe, so the jury is still out there). I enjoyed when John Elway out Favred'd Favre on his goal line dive. If Favre did that, he'd have his own ESPN channel right now that would have that play on loop with Antonio Freeman's reaction to it. When Michael Vick and the Falcons became the first team to win in a playoff game in Lambeau in 2003, I felt like I finally grew up.

So like 1000 interceptions later, Favre has turned himself into this media shit storm, so when he isn't playing pickup football games in a watered down field in Wrangler jeans, he is not telling anyone what his plans are so ESPN reporters can gain residency outside of his house and remind us every five minutes he is alive.

This game ended a few weeks ago when Favre decided he was packing it up for good.

Packing it up for good only lasted like a month though. Mort was the first one on the scene today to report Favre's deal with the Vikings, reportedly worth between 10 and 12 million.

Personally, I can't imagine what it's going to be like when he goes back to Lambeau. And I'm not talking about Favre's safety-I hope they throw bags of urine at him. I'm talking about the media coverage. Chris Berman probably threw the strippers out of his bed when he heard the news this morning.

I can only hope his 218th comeback goes as bad as some previous comebacks.

-Magic Johnson came back in 1996 for 32 games. He also came back with like 100 more pounds. Hey, you're still a legend come all-star weekend.

-Memphis Raines came out of retirement to save his brother Kip from dangerous Raymond Callitri and run one more boost. In the end though, Eleanor proved to be too much car for him once again (I'm assuming this is how the movie ended).

-Mike Tyson. Pretty self explanatory. Really makes you think if Lennox Lewis had kids though, perhaps he really would have eaten them.

-Michael Jordan. His Airness went for 20 a game, but forever altered the course of Kwame Brown's career. Shame on you.

-Shane "Footsteps" Falco. His own personal feud with Eddie Martel almost cost the whole team a shot at glory.

-Jimmy Chitwood. Became a huge ball hog.

-Shep (Actor Leon) in "Above the Rim." Battling with personal demons over the death of a teammate from a deadly game of who can jump the highest on the roof of a high rise, ends up getting elbowed repeatedly by Wood Harris in basketball tournament finals.

-Jason Williams (Duke). So you don't want to be known as White Chocolate or Limo Driver murderer so you went fresh as Jay. Should have stayed off the chopper, Jay. Thanks for setting the Bulls back 4 years. By the way, Chris Duhon thinks he left his boxers at your place.


Good Riddance Favre. Enjoy your 6-10 season in Minneapolis, and let me know about any upcoming boat parties.

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