They're bringing in the 2nd string quarterback

Inadvertantly, this could be the 3rd year in a row where Ron Zook ultimately decides if I'll ever get to visit Israel. So for all the Illini fans who feel screwed by the Zooker, he messes with my vacation plans too.




For the past 5 winters now, my Mom has been urging me to go on Birthright, the 10 day trip to see and experience Israel. Every Jewish person I know who has gone on it comes home and talks about how great of a time they had. Some even talk about how all they want to do is go back, which segues into a series of reunions and facebook albums that all have the same photos with slightly different captions of inside jokes nobody understands. Eventually a facebook group is made to keep in touch.

Now admittedly, I have never gone on birthright so maybe all of this stuff is normal. In any event, who am I to judge?

For a while I blamed my inability to take advantage of this tremendous opportunity on any excuse I could come up with, ranging from the completely unreasonable...

"Nah, not this year, it's my first winter break home from college. I want to show all my friends how awesome my alcohol tolerance has gotten."

"Nah, not this summer, it's my first summer home from college. I want to show all my friends how sick I am at Beer Pong."

To the slightly more reasonable.....

"I bought a ticket to see Jon Brion at the Harris Theater and he doesn't come to Chicago that often."*

*This event is immortalized on a recording a friend has of Brion's Bruce Springsteen tribute, where a drunk kid in front of us can be heard threatening to kick my brother's ass.

But in recent years, I have developed only one reason to blame my unwillingness to sign up, and that is Ron Zook.

Ron Zook is famous for spawning the website FireRonZook.com, being the coach of the University of Illinois Football team, and for being in this photo. Since he's come to U of I, I can list 3 games of the top of my head that he has single handedly blown for us- Indiana 2006 (the swinging gate debacle), Iowa 2007 (accepts two penalties leading to Iowa conversions), Minnesota 2008 (too much to mention).

Somehow, a 9-3 season fell into his lap in 2007 and since then the Zooker has remained in Ron Guenther's good graces, even leading to a recent contract extension so his job seems relatively secure in spite of everything going against him. Last season's team was coming off a Rose Bowl appearance and was expected to be the first Illini team to go to consecutive bowl games in years. With the exception of the loss of Rashard Mendenhall to the draft, all of the key pieces were back. A 5-7 season was what ended up happening, epitomized by a blowout loss to Northwestern in their final game of the season.

So as bad as the Zook-led Illini were last year, there's reason to believe that maybe things will be different this year. Illinois has arguably the top receiving core in the nation. They have an NFL quality tight end. They're going to score points. Will they stop anyone on defense? That we will have to wait and see.

Which brings me to my dilemma. Nobody saw Illinois going to the Rose Bowl in the 2007 season, except maybe J "Turbo" Leman. Expectations are lowered again this year, which just might be what Illinois needs to sneak up on some teams again.

Should I risk going to Israel to miss a potentially bowl-bound Illini team? Is this something that normal people think about when given the opportunity to go on a free trip to Israel? Would missing one football game be the worst thing in the world? How can I be sure I'm going to like Shawarma?

Damn you, Ron Zook.

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Your job is in another castle.

It recently occurred to me my life is one giant game of facebook. Come read what's on my wall.



Because no one will actually hire me at the moment (which you should all be grateful for), all I'm really doing is sending out emails hoping people will sit down and talk with me. This is the friend request part.

Sometimes people sympathize with my situation and they agree to meet with me and offer their two cents. I'm grateful, we exchange pleasantries, and I follow up with a thank you email. This is the writing on the wall after becoming friends part. Normally this post is something under the guise of being witty like "Hey, friends already? LOL! How fun was this weekend?"

The other frequent scenario is not getting any response at all. This is the equivalent of toiling away in some one's facebook "pending" purgatory. There's nothing you can do but be patient and wait in there.

An infrequent occurrence is a response back saying they have no time to meet (I'm assuming most people without time to meet fall more into the above category of just not responding at all). This is the equivalent of the facebook rejection. The email might even say something like "Maybe in the future when I have more time," which is the equivalent of getting rejected on facebook, updating to a new, hotter facebook photo, joining a few more groups, and sending out another friend request down the road sometime.

The rarest occurrence of all is getting an email back for an interview. This is the facebook equivalent of receiving a message, but a direct message. Not a party update to inform you that the liquor package now also includes top shelf from 10-1 for only $25. You don't get a lot of messages, and you don't get a lot of interviews, so cherish them.

Inevitably, you won't get hired on most interviews, but because we're in the middle of the recession and people feel bad, you'll get a nice email back saying you were an excellent candidate and to keep in touch. This is the equivalent of somebody hitting the "Like" button for your status. It's a kind gesture and nothing more.

Occassionally, meeting with somebody can lead you to another person. This is the equivalent to somebody posting a link on facebook (of which I'm guilty everyday with this blog). You came to facebook to creep, not to watch some crappy Youtube sports video of a Vince Carter missed dunk in college....moving on.

This is not to say that networking is all for naught. It's actually how I got my last internship. But there's just no end to it. It's like how on the first world of Mario 3 you they provide you with two paths you can go on, and one has the extra face-connector stage, but you have to go through two extra stages to get there. So the extra life might help you down the road, but you have to go through a lot to get it.



(If you'll note in the above imagine, the extra level in question comes after the 3rd stage, but as you can clearly see, you there is no reason to EVER play levels 3 and 4 in this world as you can completely bypass them all together and face no repercussions)

This is sort of how I view networking. Not so much a big risk, but rather an investment with no foreseeable end (much like Mario 3, which was nearly impossible to beat). You can meet with everyone in the world who will sit down with you, but you still might leave without a job. There's reason to believe though that the more people you know, the greater odds somebody will know a place that's hiring.

I'm hoping my next interview has a magic flute hidden in it somehwere.



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Sea of Madness

I remember when I was in 3rd grade I ran into my teacher at the time in public once. It was awkward for both parties.

These moments continue to happen though...and they're no less awkward.



The impetus for this post occurred recently. I had gone to see a movie with my brother and ran into a guy I knew from my local pickup basketball game at the gym. We said hello and moved on our ways, but it was still a bit off. Part of me wanted to ask him, "So, you don't wear mesh shorts and sweat profusely all the time?"

Also, I'm confident the other guy has not thought twice about the encounter since it took place, and I'm not sure if he enjoyed "Bruno" though Harold Ramis* was in our theater and I overheard him saying "It was funny."

*An oversized man with a smaller fro walked into the theater and from the second to top row, my brother says "Looks like Ramis," and we shared a laugh. I went to the bathroom before the movie started and who walks out of the theater still putting his pants back on? You guessed it- Egan himself.

But back to the guy from the gym. Is there ever an non-awkward encounter between somebody you only see in one setting? I remember seeing my freshmen year high school english teacher at the taste of Chicago that summer. She had a sizable stack of beer cups. Needless to say, this was only awkward for her.

There were kids I knew in junior high exclusively from running into them on Friday nights at Northbrook court. That wasn't weird. It was weird when I stopped running into them and they still wanted to be friends.

I worked at a camp one summer. All we did was talk about how much we hated it. We all came back the next summer. Whenever I ran into these people, all we knew how to talk about was camp. or how bad the food was at the camp. We needed the camp. So predictably, when I stopped working there, I only kept in touch with my boss (who also left) and when I ran into the owner he called me Mr. Cooper (and I'm assuming this wasn't a Mark Curry reference....as much as I wanted it to be).

And yet none of this was even half as strange as when I ran into a girl from a few posts back. You can refresh your memory here. The abridged version, if you dont recall, is my brother ran into a some one who he didn't know, but apparently she knew me (even if I had to pull out the yearbook when I heard her name). She told my brother I was a f*cking asshole and I was rude to her in college but we didn't go to the same schools. Outstanding.

Fast forward to last Thursday. I'm at the Cubby Bear North (where I ran in to more people from the gym, and these people are only in town for a few weeks doing business training! What are the odds?). Sitting down talking to some people and who's looking at me from across the deck? The girl. So naturally, after making eye contact with her, I laughed for like 10 seconds and said nothing to her the rest of the evening.

If she wants to think I'm an asshole, I might as well try to give her a reason to think that way.



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The post with James Augustine

It was a busy weekend to be unemployed. I saw a comedian famous for his work in Sonic commercials, ate at two different Wolfy's, and watched some kid at the gym do the seated row while on his cell phone. Yeah...



Busy weekend to be unemployed. Let's give out some weekend awards.

Best display of bravery goes to...

-The guy in the plaid shirt using the stall in Social 25 at 1:30 in the morning. To me, this probably would have been in a deal breaker in the sense I would have gone home. But not this fellow. With a line about 25 deep, he bravely went to the bathroom on the same toilet that roughly 1000 people had already urinated on. Bravo!

Worst use of 7 Footer goes to....

-Social 25, for not playing "Call on me" when James Augustine walked into the bar, when it's clear Augustine loves to fist pump.

Best sign of how connected we are goes to...

-The kid at the gym who kept his cell phone in his pocket and answered it while doing a seated row. I can't even write anything that was funnier than the sight of this. Just know he stayed on his phone for the next 10 minutes, and while I had my headphones on, just seeing him talking bothered me. While I couldn't hear the conversation, I'm convinced he was talking about how hammered he got the previous night.

Worst coincidence goes to...

-Me, for actively choosing to dine at the Wolfy's in Northbrook on Friday (Cheddar Burger), and then randomly passing the original Wolfy's on Peterson on Saturday (Italian Beef; hot peppers) en route to a Jeff Tweedy concert. I don't know where I'd put the odds of such an occurrence on happening, but I'd say they're low.

Best coincidence goes to...

-Paul for knowing the owners of the Wolfy's in Northbrook, which led to me getting half of a free grilled salami sandwich. Sport peppers were a nice touch, but I'm sticking with the burger or dog.

Best "We can all get along" moment goes to...

-The church 3 blocks from Emanuel Congregation that allowed people to park there for the Jeff Tweedy concert. $10 was cheap too, compared to other parking situations in the city. Mazel Tov.

Best comedian who appears in Sonic commercials goes to...

-Peter Grosz, who opened for Jeff Tweedy and was at least 13x funnier than I thought he'd be. No reference to the Sonic commercials either, which in all honesty, is probably a good thing when you're playing a Synagogue in Edgewater and the closest Sonic is in Aurora.

Most curious "WTF" moment goes to...

-Emanuel Congregation, for serving beer and allowing concertgoers to drink it in the sanctuary. L'Chaim, indeed.

Best use of guilt trip to induce tip a goes to...

-The bathroom attendant on Friday night, who shouted "Slow down, Player!" at me when I tried to b-line it out of the bathroom after washing my hands. You know what? You're right. You do deserve a dollar for pushing the soap button for me.

Best moment of the weekend goes to....

-Anyone who reads this thing, for hitting the 1000 page visit mark. I'm very grateful and flattered. I started this to kill time while looking for a job. If anyone decided to read it, that was just a bonus so thanks for reading everyone.

The streets is watchin' people.

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Back for another verse

If you've come to read something profound or relevant, well, you are definitely in the wrong place. Hell, even if you wanted to read something grammatically correct, you are again, probably in the wrong place. And yes, that is a dig at you Gwynne.



Now we left off with your faithful hero (in this situation, me) and his brother defying the odds by venturing off to a Chili's in a galaxy far away (well, Arlington Heights). The first bad sign was that this particular Chili's shared a parking lot with an Olive Garden, which inadvertently led to a far walk to and from the restaurant, and I'm not going to suggest that this was going to help us burn off the meal. I think it's probably pretty obvious that we weren't concerned with burning off our meal if we were choosing to dine at Chili's.

We walked in, and it felt like, for a moment at least, that we were back in Deerfield. Although, the same could be said for any Chili's. Architecturally, they're all the same. Bar with a few booths in the middle, smoking on the left, non-smoking on the right. Clientele looked about the same, with a mixture of families and high school kids.

A married couple entered before us, and they were told it would be a few minutes by the high school aged hostess. My brother and I were told the same thing. Looking around, there were no fewer than 10 open tables.

I breathed a sigh of relief. It was good to be back.

A few moments later, we were seated in the last booth in the back of the restaurant, presumably so no one would see us. With the exception of the layout of the menu, everything else was looked unchanged over the past 15 years. It appeared as if the menu had more offerings with "Buffalo" and "Kickin'" in the name, but I suppose that was only a matter of time.

Our waiter came by shortly after and asked how we were doing. Fine, thanks, how are you? There was like a 3 second pause then, where he laughed, and said fine too. It was unclear why our waiter was on a tape delay and laughing at us, but I know the track record Chili's has with waiters so I assumed our waiter was building towards something greater.

Two cokes and chips order in, we were on our way.

Sadly, things only went downhill from here. The disparity from chip to chip was great, with some being greasy and overly salty. The salsa lacked any sort of consistency to it. An ominous start to the meal.

My next mistake can't be blamed on the restaurant, however.

I decided to abandon my standard order of the grilled chicken sandwich (I couldn't even begin to explain to you how over time my go to order at a tex-mex restaurant became the most plain item on the menu but you're going to have to trust me on this one, it was a good sandwich pushed over the top by a much better than average honey mustard dressing). I went for their version of Ruby Tuesday's mini burgers, aptly titled the Big Mouth Bites. They were not good; in fact, they weren't even mini burgers. They just cut up one burger into four pieces and threw it on a plate with some overcooked fried onions. I spent the whole meal thinking about how much I would have enjoyed the chicken sandwich.



My brother got his standard order- appetizer sampler. The name evolution of this particular item has been fascinating. While everything else on the menu has kept it's name, the appetizer sampler has a had a pretty standard stretch of switching the name every 5-6 years. As far as I can tell, the progression was

Mombo Combo> Triple Play> currently, the Triple Dipper.

While the current incarnation allows you to pick the items you want in your sampler, 99% of the items appear to be deep fried chicken pieces, so it ends up coming off as false hustle on Chili's part. You can't pull a fast on this consumer, Chili's.

My worst fears turned out to be true; we'd been writing a revisionist history all along. The restaurant my friends in college once referred to as the old stompin' grounds was no more. The mehh food and service finally caught up to the mehh charm.

The thrill is gone.

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